Dreaming...

Now that it is about to snow, I am dreaming of being back down in LA sitting on the beach by the Washington Pier, or walking down the Santa Monica Pier. I think this place is the closest place to heaven on Earth.

Fall Family Fun

Last week, Stymie, Natasha, Alainna, Angelina and Nana all met up for a fun family day at The Corn Maze. Nana was late as always, so we decided to stop at Moxie Java, which was a HUGE mistake. Sat there waiting for almost a half an hour on our coffees, and then they were made completely wrong! Grrr...

When we got to the Maze, the girls were SO excited. We checked out the mini maze, and all of the other fun games. When Nana finally got there, we entered the maze. Alainna always has this weird need to take charge and be in the lead. So naturally, she took us off on our adventure. For her, the fun isn't so much in getting lost as in getting us the hell out of there ASAP. We ended up getting out of the first maze pretty quick. On the second maze, everyone decided I should lead and since I have no sense of direction, I got us good and lost. Took us almost an hour to find our way out.

After the Corn Maze, we invited Nana to stay the night with us because the girls hadn't seen her in over 6 months. Long story there. Anyways, I made an amazing Spaghetti dinner, while Nana and the girls carved pumpkins. All in all, it was a great way to spend a beautiful Fall day.

Happy 6th Birthday Alainna!

On Sunday, we celebrated Alainna's sixth birthday party at Monkey Dooz! WOW, what a fun time! Alainna had no idea where her party was going to be, and it was such a delight to see the surprise on her face when we got there! Her sister's, cousin and a friend were there to help her celebrate. The girls started off my having their hair done in these beautiful hairstyles, complete with tons of curls and glitter spray. After the hair came the mini-manicures! They sat at the manicure table and each got their nails painted complete with glitter! Once the hair and make-up was complete, they were able to choose their "princess" outfits! Of course, Alainna wore the Birthday Princess Crown! Once all the girls were "princesses", the sat at this huge table and sipped on Sparkling Martini's! Then came the cake! Wow! It was carried out with candles, and even a sparkler on top! Alainna tried and tried to blow that thing out! Even her friends helped, but in the end, it burned out. We sang Happy Birthday to her, and she just smiled in sheer pleasure. Her face was priceless. I can tell you, that as a mom, I was really concerned seeing these young ladies turn into such beautiful princesses! It really made me think about what these girls would look like in a few years when the are all going to be wanting to wear make-up! Oh my goodness, I think I will have my hands full chasing off all the boys! The girls are absolutely gorgeous, and I have a feeling that the boys will be lining up to be dating them. OH NO! I guess thank goodness that I have a few more years to prepare for that!
Anyways, it was a magical day for all of us. I think Alainna had a really wonderful time, as did her sisters. It gave me so much pleasure to be able to give such a surprise to my daughter. She is truly a wonderful young lady. Hard to believe that 6 years ago today, she was just an 8 lb 7 oz bundle of joy! My how time flies and how life changes.

~My Family~

I wanted to share with everyone this wonderful family picture that was taken on Easter Sunday at my brother's house. It means so much to me to have a picture of us ladies or our new family situation. My girls are such perfect gifts from God, and I am so thankful for them each and everyday. I look at them and it makes me realize how much love they come from, and no matter what my marriage situation is, this IS now my family.

Happy Easter!

Today, the girls and I had a fun time coloring Easter Eggs. We used the prepackaged stuff, where you dye the eggs, and then you can use sparkle specled paint to dab designs and other colors onto the eggs. It was such a beautiful day, so the girls and I sat outside and did this on the patio furniture. The eggs turned out really cute and the girls had a lot of fun! Kenny will pick up the girls tonight, and then I will have them back tomorrow evening at 7:00. This year the girls will get to spend the actual Easter holiday with me. I will blog about our Easter Celebration next week.
We are all doing really well. The girls were so happy to get back to school after the long track break. School for me is going SUPER! I have at this point all A's! I have been busting my butt, and it looks like the work is paying off.
I wish everyone a very Happy Easter, may you enjoy your time with family, and give thanks to God for all the blessings we do have.

Struggling...

So tomorrow will be 1 month that I moved out. I am really struggling with everything. Today I went to the doctor, and I have Bronchitis. I feel awful, and maybe that is why I feel like such an emotional train wreck. Honestly, I don't think I have ever felt so alone in all my life. I keep asking me what I have done so wrong to deserve all of this. I miss us being a family and just the comfort of knowing that Kenny will walk in the door at night after work. I miss us raising the girls together. It is such a struggle when the kids ask if we will be getting back together, and I have to try to convince them that this whole mess is really for the best, when I am not even convinced myself. Is this really the best thing? I guess really it doesn't matter what I think or feel, because the decision has already been made. It feels so hopeless to look towards the future and to think that perhaps someday love will find me. Right now, I feel like the biggest failure ever. I couldn't make this marriage work, and here I am a 32 year old almost single woman, with three beautiful girls, no real job, and what in the world do I have to offer anyone. I can't imagine that anyone would ever find interest in me, or that I would be a "catch". Maybe that is it, I never thought that I would be afraid to be alone. For all those years with Kenny when he would go snowmobiling, and I would be so afraid that he could get caught in an avalanche, I never was afraid to be alone, because I always knew that he was with me. Now that he isn't "with" me, I am feeling like being alone is really horrible. I don't know how people move forward from something like this. How does life go on? How do people feel that they could love again? I think back to being 15 and 16 years old, and I always had a boyfriend. Then at 16, I met Kenny and even when we broke up those few times, I always had somebody. I guess I have never really been alone. That now, is so frightening. I know many woman say they will never remarry after a divorce, but I can't imagine spending my whole life alone. I really want to have a solid marriage with lots of love, and with a man that understands me, and who also loves my girls. I just don't think that this is ever going to be possible.

~Fun with Ms. I~

Last week Natasha spent a fun day with one of her favorite people in the world, Ms. I. For those of you who don't know, Ms. I was Natasha's First grade teacher. She and Natasha have had a very wonderful relationship since then, and are really great friends still. With everything going on with her, Ms. I spent the day with Natasha. Later that evening we all went over to her house and fed all the ducks at the pond in her back yard. It was a lot of fun for the girls that day, and good for me to spend time with a really great friend. Ms. I is one of those rare people that you meet who is so genuine and also loves deeply. I admire her character and hope that someday I will impact children's lives the way that she does. She is a great role model, teacher and friend to all the children who are lucky enough to have her for a teacher. I am going to truly miss not only having her be Alainna's teacher for first grade, but also having her be here and being such a close friend. It will be a long year with her away (she will be teaching in Scotland) but I am also so proud of her for doing this for herself. She has spent her whole life dedicated to others, and I am so happy that finally she is taking the time to do something for herself. Now, lets hope that when she comes back that one of the girls will once again be blessed enough to have her.