Struggling...

So tomorrow will be 1 month that I moved out. I am really struggling with everything. Today I went to the doctor, and I have Bronchitis. I feel awful, and maybe that is why I feel like such an emotional train wreck. Honestly, I don't think I have ever felt so alone in all my life. I keep asking me what I have done so wrong to deserve all of this. I miss us being a family and just the comfort of knowing that Kenny will walk in the door at night after work. I miss us raising the girls together. It is such a struggle when the kids ask if we will be getting back together, and I have to try to convince them that this whole mess is really for the best, when I am not even convinced myself. Is this really the best thing? I guess really it doesn't matter what I think or feel, because the decision has already been made. It feels so hopeless to look towards the future and to think that perhaps someday love will find me. Right now, I feel like the biggest failure ever. I couldn't make this marriage work, and here I am a 32 year old almost single woman, with three beautiful girls, no real job, and what in the world do I have to offer anyone. I can't imagine that anyone would ever find interest in me, or that I would be a "catch". Maybe that is it, I never thought that I would be afraid to be alone. For all those years with Kenny when he would go snowmobiling, and I would be so afraid that he could get caught in an avalanche, I never was afraid to be alone, because I always knew that he was with me. Now that he isn't "with" me, I am feeling like being alone is really horrible. I don't know how people move forward from something like this. How does life go on? How do people feel that they could love again? I think back to being 15 and 16 years old, and I always had a boyfriend. Then at 16, I met Kenny and even when we broke up those few times, I always had somebody. I guess I have never really been alone. That now, is so frightening. I know many woman say they will never remarry after a divorce, but I can't imagine spending my whole life alone. I really want to have a solid marriage with lots of love, and with a man that understands me, and who also loves my girls. I just don't think that this is ever going to be possible.