Fall Family Fun

Last week, Stymie, Natasha, Alainna, Angelina and Nana all met up for a fun family day at The Corn Maze. Nana was late as always, so we decided to stop at Moxie Java, which was a HUGE mistake. Sat there waiting for almost a half an hour on our coffees, and then they were made completely wrong! Grrr...

When we got to the Maze, the girls were SO excited. We checked out the mini maze, and all of the other fun games. When Nana finally got there, we entered the maze. Alainna always has this weird need to take charge and be in the lead. So naturally, she took us off on our adventure. For her, the fun isn't so much in getting lost as in getting us the hell out of there ASAP. We ended up getting out of the first maze pretty quick. On the second maze, everyone decided I should lead and since I have no sense of direction, I got us good and lost. Took us almost an hour to find our way out.

After the Corn Maze, we invited Nana to stay the night with us because the girls hadn't seen her in over 6 months. Long story there. Anyways, I made an amazing Spaghetti dinner, while Nana and the girls carved pumpkins. All in all, it was a great way to spend a beautiful Fall day.

~My Family~

I wanted to share with everyone this wonderful family picture that was taken on Easter Sunday at my brother's house. It means so much to me to have a picture of us ladies or our new family situation. My girls are such perfect gifts from God, and I am so thankful for them each and everyday. I look at them and it makes me realize how much love they come from, and no matter what my marriage situation is, this IS now my family.

Happy Easter!

Today, the girls and I had a fun time coloring Easter Eggs. We used the prepackaged stuff, where you dye the eggs, and then you can use sparkle specled paint to dab designs and other colors onto the eggs. It was such a beautiful day, so the girls and I sat outside and did this on the patio furniture. The eggs turned out really cute and the girls had a lot of fun! Kenny will pick up the girls tonight, and then I will have them back tomorrow evening at 7:00. This year the girls will get to spend the actual Easter holiday with me. I will blog about our Easter Celebration next week.
We are all doing really well. The girls were so happy to get back to school after the long track break. School for me is going SUPER! I have at this point all A's! I have been busting my butt, and it looks like the work is paying off.
I wish everyone a very Happy Easter, may you enjoy your time with family, and give thanks to God for all the blessings we do have.

Look at ME!

This afternoon after I got done at BSU, I loaded up the older two girls and took them to the YMCA. If you don't already know this, I have three little fishes! The girls have been in the water since they were very young, and love to swim. I was so proud of Alainna, as today was her very first time jumping off of the diving board! She was so brave to do it, and so proud of herself. Natasha has been doing it for a number of years, and so now Alainna can join in the fun! I wonder how quick Angelina will pick it up? We had a great time, and I actually was able to get two papers written in the time they swam. I love that they are so anxious to swim and have such a love for water. They seem to be hanging in there with everything that is going on. This weekend they will be with their dad, and I know they will love that. They are so close with him, and he is a super father.

A Fun Day!

This has been my first weekend alone with the girls since Kenny and I have seperated. We have had a fun time! On Friday night we went swimming at the YMCA! The girls are little fishes and I even obliged Angelina and went down the blue slide! It was a lot of fun to hang out with them and just play. After that we came home and had movie night. We all sat together and had popcorn and watched "Babe". Today, after my hair appointment, the girls and I loaded up and went over to my brother and sister in laws house. My niece, Sierra was there, and the girls are always so excited to get to play with their cousin. They played outside on the equipement for several hours and had a ton of fun. We borrowed the movie "Flicka" from them and watched that together tonight. Natasha was so excited to get to see the movie, because on our trip to Europe, she read the book. I know the girls are struggling with this seperation and divorce, but I am hoping that by spending really quality time with them that we can pull through this. They miss their dad, and so do I. It is really wierd to not see him or talk to him everyday, but I guess this is something that we all have to get used to. I am assuming that it gets easier with each day that passes. I hope so, because right now it is hard. Tomorrow, we are heading to church as a family. This is something that has been missing from our lives for a very long time, and I am ready to incorporate it back. A little help from above would be wonderful right now, and I hope that God is listening. After church, I want to cook breakfast with the girls. I know their dad usually does that with them, but I want to give it a try also. We have to start doing some of this stuff together also. The girls seem to be ok. They are getting lots of help from their friends, teachers, and everyone who loves them. As for me, I talked to a friend the other day and he said that it is so important to talk it out. I am trying, and maybe this blog is my way of doing it. I am more of a writer than a talker. I can tell you one thing, life feels very strange right now at this point. I have so many questions about the future, and it is awkward to think of it without Kenny and I being married. After 16 years, you somehow are comfortable. I miss that comfort.

Water Under the Bridge

I spent a few hours on the phone last night with Kenny. He feels as if there has been too much tough history to really make a go of getting back together. This really breaks my heart. I do understand where he is coming from though. I look back on the years we have had together, and it has most certainly been a rocky road. I guess, the one thing I always counted on was that we loved each other enough to get through. Maybe there is more to love and a marriage than just getting through. This is new and uncharted territory for me, so honestly, I think for now, I will spend my time focused on the girls and myself. I believe that I really must come to know myself and love myself, which I have not done for a very, very long time. Kenny has been and will always be such a special and important man in my life, and I love him with all my heart. I hope that he is right when he says that through this all we will be healthier, happier and better parents to our beautiful girls.

Moving Out...

Today was yet another test of strength for me. It was the day that I knew was coming and was dreading. With our decision to get a divorce, Kenny and I also felt is best that I get moved out quickly. We both didn't want things to happen that would essentially cloud our judgment. We know that splitting up IS the best decision for us and the girls also. That didn't make moving out any easier. Kenny helped move all the large stuff, and I was so grateful that he was so kind to do that. It was hard to give him that last "I love you" and a hug and kiss. I don't know, how do you say good bye to the person you have shared 16 years of your life with? I really can't imagine what is in store for my future, because I really always just imagined to be a wife and mother. I guess my destiny is something different. I am so excited for tomorrow evening, because it will be the girls' night with me here. I wonder if they will like their rooms, or if they will all just want to jump into my bed with me. I have missed them these last few days, and am looking forward to having them all next weekend. I need to think about something fun to do. Any ideas? Oh, do you see the look of peace on my face in this picture? That is what I am going to try to find again.

Heart Wrenching

Last night, Kenny and I did the hardest thing I think we have ever had to do. We sat down at the dinner table with our three beautiful girls, and told them that we were getting a divorce. I never in my life imagined that I would someday have to intentionally hurt my own children. I will never forget the look on Natasha's face when we told them. I am praying to God for the strength to help our girls get through this. Right now I need the help. My heart is broken, not only about Kenny and I getting a divorce, but also about the fact that the girls will be so hurt and confused for quite some time. Kenny and I are still working through this all together, and we are both very sure that we will be friends through this. We continue to focus on our children, and want to continue coparenting them. I think the only way to do that is by being friends. It is also quite emotional for me today, not only as I am packing up stuff, but also because I know this is my last night together with my husband. I can tell you, this would all be so much easier if only I didn't love him as much as I do.

I am a Statistic

Kenny and I are becoming a statistic. We have mutually decided to seperate after 16 years of being together. I always swore that I didn't want to be a statistic with regard to marriage. We both love each other and our girls tremendously, but have realized that the two of us just don't fit. We have so many different ideas with life, and all the love in the world just can't fix that. I am heartbroken, but am looking towards the future with my girls. I am attaching a picture from our wedding day, because it was truly one of the best days I ever had. I will cherish the love that we had for ever, as well as the best things that ever came from us, which is our beautiful girls. I wish Kenny all the best in his future, and hope that he can find happiness in everything that he does. I love him with all my heart and thank God everyday that He did bring me such a wonderful person, even if it wasn't meant to be forever. I love you Kenny today, tomorrow and forever.

~Snowed In~

I got a call tonight from Kenny saying that the roads were too bad and that he and the girls wouldn't be coming home until tomorrow. I miss the girls so much! I can't wait to see them tomorrow. Unfortunately they will be missing school, but I am sure that they had a wonderful time to make up for it. Hope everyone is doing well.